The Boondocks Season 3 Episode 9 – A Date With The Booty Warrior

While Tom is trying to deal with his troubles, Huey and Riley are in trouble themselves, given the option of getting expelled or taking part in the Scared Stiff program and visiting a prison (of course, Riley is thrilled with either option). The two end up in the Scared Stiff program, and Tom decides to tag along as a chaperone in order to conquer his own fear and try to avoid being scared stiff by the experience. He tells his wife he wants to become a defense attorney but can’t visit his clients if he’s too scared to walk into the prison. Plus, if he becomes a defense attorney, he can save others from being sent to prison and brutally raped.

Of course Uncle Ruckus has yet another job in this episode, picking up the kids in the Scared Stiff program and telling them he’s a volunteer correctional officer. He tells the white kids in the group it will just be like a trip to the zoo, while informing Riley and Huey it will be like a trip to the future for them. Riley starts fashioning a shank from a toothbrush before Tom spots him with the sharp object, taking it and pocketing it himself after feeling a flash of fear at the thought that he’s about to walk into a prison.

And so the kids and Tom are introduced to a group of prisoners, one of which informs the bunch that he didn’t do much to end up there; he just killed somebody. He starts talking to the kids about man’s oppressive system, telling them that they don’t know what he’s talking about. Huey informs him that he knows exactly what he’s talking about, delivering an eloquent speech about how prisons are an easy solution to social problems and a civil rights violation, to which the prisoner responds, “You said what I’m trying to say, only smarter!” The prisoners then start telling the kids that the worst part of prison, just as Tom fears, is being raped. One prisoner informs Tom that he’s the type of guy that definitely doesn’t want to end up in prison, and proceeds to describe why prisoners save their peanut butter and jelly (you don’t want to know). He demands that Tom take off his shoes, pants, and jacket, which a terrified Tom proceeds to do, but the shank falls out of his pocket and catches the eye of the Booty Warrior (I guess assaulting Chris Hansen landed him in the slammer), who pockets it. After the other prisoner informs the scared stiff kids that Tom wouldn’t stand a chance in prison by complying with his demands like he did, the Booty Warrior steps in and grabs Tom, pulling the shank and delivering the same speech he gave Chris Hansen. However, a terrified Tom breaks free and bolts out the door.

Best Quotes
“My name is Tom and I have a fear of going to jail and being anally raped.”

“My booty is mine. You can not have my booty.”

“Tom is going to face his fears straight on. And he’s going to walk out of that prison with his rectum and piece of mind intact.”

Nigga, did you just say what I was trying to say but smarter?

“I want me an Alaskan bitch.”

“Sir, have they raped you yet?”